Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
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THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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