ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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