She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
