I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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