According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
