i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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