Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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