omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
