More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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