We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
