I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
