My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
