I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
