There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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