it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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