just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
