OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
