Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Two words: blizzard sex
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
