plz talk dirty to me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
