For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
So much rum. So many feels.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
