as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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