Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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