How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
