My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
