I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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