Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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