chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
