Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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