just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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