Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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