So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
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