Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
