Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I pour the whiskey from now on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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