I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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