he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
my nose is crying tears of wow.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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