8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
