First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
