There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
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Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
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You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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