I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
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