margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Randomize
