is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
