Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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