flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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