took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
