apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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