I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Randomize
