The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.