the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.