You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.