How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird