Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it