He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
even my farts smell like vagina
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
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If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
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I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.