proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
