It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We have so much sex to catch up on
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think even the taco bell employees judged me