This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.