She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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