The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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