I hate your face
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
