Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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