If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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