3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
