No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
