I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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