no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
