I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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