I've blown a few things in my day
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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