somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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