We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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