cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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