Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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