Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
