yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
