based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
where am i from again
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
