I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
