His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
