So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
