The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
accomplished twins. life is a go
He had one of those small greek statue penises
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
