dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
