you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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