planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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