if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
