I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
