I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
