i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
